Oh, iPad, I’ve heard so much about you.  You wink at me every morning as I pass your shiny clean house on Hennepin Ave as I go into work.  I see my friends cuddle up to you, caress your screen seductively, gaze upon you as if every moment was an eternity, and yet here I sit with my little Android phone, that won’t even update to 2.1.  I feel like I got set up with a friend of a friend’s desperate sister…

Yet, one day, I snuck you away from a handsome man that holds you in his hands every night.  Yes, I got to spend a magical moment with you.  I feverishly took you out of your case, amazed at your slender, yet sleek figure.  I envision endless possibilities between you and I, sweet iPad.

Once we began to play around, however, our little date began to go a little south.  I suggested we play a little EA Fifa 10: World Cup, since a friend said you were into sports.  You made this very difficult for me sadly.  Your amazing graphics all of the sudden plummeted like the stock exchange, to the point where I wish I was playing an N64.  The oddly placed buttons upon your once sultry screen also confused me.  Furthermore, every time I attempted to move a player, you also moved the directional pad.  Surely, this was just your way of flirting; perhaps playing hard to get?  I chuckled, finding your attempts cute.  I thought then, we should move onto another game.

We then went on to play some Tetris.  Oh what fun, I thought, something classic!  Perhaps the iPad was a classy lady after all.  But no, same problems.  Things on the screen not quite going in sync with what I wanted.  I could tell this meeting was rapidly going sour…

Sorrowfully, I brought her back to her home.  We hugged, and she asked if she’d see me again.  I told her I’d call, though I’m not sure if I plan on calling her again.  Sure, she might have an easy access to the news, and an amazing comic reader capability.  I even liked her ability to outclass those trashy girls, the Nook and the Kindle, but I’m just not sure I can deal with how she lied to me about her gaming capabilities.  Perhaps we just went to the wrong games?  Maybe Ill give her one more shot, even though Plants vs. Zombies is coming to the XBLA.  Oh 360… let’s make sweet love here and now…